Stupid Brain

BJJ (12/30/08 9:00am)

Didn't sleep very well last night. BJJ on the brain. But I woke up surprisingly well rested and ready to roll. I was really focused on Jiu Jitsu this morning. Today I was prepared to let it all hang out when rolling. I was going to initiate, take chances, be loose and be aggressive. Basically, I was in a good place mentally. Lets head to class!

When I arrived at the gym, I noticed that Neil wasn't there. I figured that something must be wrong, we'll get to that later on. There were four other guys in the line up this morning plus Fritz and Carl leading us. The gym was a meat locker this morning. I like it on the cold side, so that's fine with me but its fun to watch the warm weather guys struggle.

We began warm-ups. Nothing out of the ordinary. Jogging, high knees, high heels, sideways, push ups, jumping jacks, jumping jacks to the front, jumping jacks kicking to the front, to the side, clapping under the legs, rotating wrists and ankles.......and then it happened. I realized that I couldn't see anything.

There goes my brain again, getting in the way. For those who don't know, I suffer from too many neurological conditions among them are Migraine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine) with Aura (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine_with_aura). The Aura precedes the onset of the pain phase of a migraine with delightful disturbances in vision that in my case look like geometrically formed lightening bolts across my field of view. It starts off small and gradually increases in size until it overwhelms the entire field of view. The fun part is that, you still see these lightening bolts with your eyes closed. Because its in the brain, not in the eyes.

So, I had to excuse myself from the mats, pop my rescue med (which is always in a handy container on my key chain) and sit in the cool, dark, heavy bag area with my head covered until my vision cleared up. How embarrassing. I hate it when my condition takes me away from doing things I love, but I hate it even more when it makes a spectacle of me. I don't want that kind of attention and when you tell people "I cant see" or "I'm getting a migraine" they don't understand.

When people hear the term migraine, they often think of the diluted word that is used by many to describe common headaches rather than sever clinical, neurological bombs. I am always fearful that people are lumping me into that group. That they don't understand the realities of my condition.

Anyway, there is one last training session for me in this year...I intend to make it count!!! My next post will be an account of that class. Following that post will be a recap of the year and a look at my goals for 2009!